


Within, Without

by Dragestil



Series: We Are In Harmony [2]
Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Bonding, M/M, Personal Growth, Reminiscing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-14
Updated: 2017-12-14
Packaged: 2019-02-14 18:21:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13013511
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dragestil/pseuds/Dragestil
Summary: Genji takes Zenyatta to Rikimaru and finds himself caught up in his past.





	Within, Without

**Author's Note:**

> If you would like to see more of my work, please visit my [Tumblr](http://dragestil.tumblr.com)

Genji sat in Rikimaru, playing with his food more than eating it. He pushed the noodles in his bowl of ramen around with his chopsticks as he lingered deep within his own thoughts. Eating had become a far more complicated ordeal since his enhancement. He was still human enough that his body needed nutrients, but eating required removing the faceplate from his helmet, and that exposed him to wandering eyes. Only complete cybernetic replacement could fix all of his scars, and that idea frightened him more than he would ever care to admit. It had been hard enough to accept this level of technological intervention.

“Even when you are at rest, your mind races,” Zenyatta said, resting a hand on Genji’s forearm to gently guide him back into the present. “What are you thinking of?”

“Nothing new,” Genji answered, more biting than he intended. Why did he have to still harbour such bitterness?

“New or old, your thoughts are valid. Your emotions must be felt to find peace.”

“How can I find peace if I want to destroy everything?”

“I do not think you want to destroy _everything_ , Genji. If that was truly your wish, you would not travel with me, nor invite me to visit this place. You did not come here to destroy anything.”

Genji sighed and set his chopsticks down, giving up on eating for the moment. He ran a hand back through his hair, something he often felt like was the last true vestige of his humanity.

“Will it ever stop hurting?” he asked, though it was perhaps mostly to himself. Zenyatta replied with a questioning hum. “People see me as a monster - my own brother could not disguise his horror when he saw me. Will it ever stop hurting?”

“Genji, this is how you know you are not a monster. Within you is the man you have always been. You are not lesser because you are without all of your human features. No level of cybernetic enhancement can remove your soul, what defines you as you.”

“But what is the point of the pain? Why can’t I just... _not_ care?”

Zenyatta paused. It had taken quite some time to reach this point. When he had first met Genji, the man was distraught, angry, frustrated, alone. He fought back at every turn, determined to be entirely self-sufficient, driven by the whirlwind of negativity caught up inside of his chest. He had been so unreceptive to any external input. But now here Genji was, searching for answers in Zenyatta’s words. The omnic struggled to find any sort of satisfying answer. After several moments, he finally nodded his head.

“Suffering cannot be avoided - not by humans nor by omnics. Everything we experience exists within a single infinite web of intertwining threads. Everything we do is influenced by everything that we have experienced. Active or passive, positive or negative, all actions we engage in are connected. When you see yourself as a monster, you feel the effect of all of the events that brought you here. You feel this aching because there is immeasurable pain tangled up in your memories of your physical transition into this body. We can never fully rid ourselves of these deep feelings but they do fade with time. You have already healed so much since even we first met. When I look in your eyes, there is hope now, not only anger.”

“How am I supposed to move on if I can’t get over the past?” Genji asked, rising emotions creeping into his voice. “I forgave Hanzo, but I still can’t move on!”

“You have moved on, even if you cannot see it. Here you are, back in Hanamura, your home, eating at the restaurant you frequented as a child. You would never have been sitting here willingly when we first met. You would not even speak of Hanamura.”

That quieted Genji. He had never considered it like that. Trapped inside his own thoughts, he could only see the dark clouds that crowded him. He had entirely missed the sun shining through the gaps. But now he had the chance to step back, guided by Zenyatta’s words, and look at the full picture. Where there was only shadow before, light was slowly being restored. The aches of his past were still present, but they were fading, healing, as he grew each day into his new self.

“Have you always been this wise?” Genji finally said, hints of a smile at the corners of his lips. “Or am I blind?”

“My life was spent in a monastery, studying the ways to achieve true inner peace and understanding. I have had longer to grasp these things than you have. You are learning quickly though. You have come so far.”

Genji felt happier than he had felt in a very long time. Zenyatta’s praise encompassed him like a warm blanket on a cold day. Zenyatta’s presence itself was a deep comfort. He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply, trying to lock the memory of this moment securely in his mind so he could always return to it. After a minute, he opened his eyes and looked back to his bowl of ramen.

“Can’t let good food go to waste,” he said, smiling faintly as he picked up his chopsticks.

“What is it like?”

“What is what like?”

“Eating. I have never needed food.”

“Of course,” Genji replied, brows furrowing in thought. It was so easy to forget that Zenyatta was not and never had been a human. There were always the rumours about omnics being soulless, inhuman monsters to be feared and loathed, but Zenyatta was so much more than that. “It’s...hard to explain. I’ve never really thought about it. It’s just something you have to do when you are human. Mostly that’s all it is - a chore that must be done - but sometimes you find something you enjoy the taste of and it becomes so much more than a chore. When I eat this ramen, it’s like I’m young again. It brings back all the memories of when Hanzo and I would come here after playing or training. Once, after the new year’s celebrations, we came with all of the money we had gotten and spent it on as much food as we could. My stomach hurt for a week!”

Genji laughed, eyes bright as he reminisced on his childhood. Zenyatta smiled in return. He so rarely got to see Genji caught up in good memories. It was rarer still that Hanzo would be brought into a conversation without lingering undercurrents of pain. He watched, pleased with Genji’s happiness, as Genji returned to his bowl of ramen.

“Does it taste the same as it did before?”

“Exactly the same...Well I _think_ exactly the same. It’s been a while. But even if it doesn’t, it does?” Genji answered, trailing off as he tried to sort out his own meaning in his head. “I remember all of the fun we had here more than the food. So even if it’s not exactly the same taste, being here and eating ramen and seeing the same old signs, it all _feels_ the same. That’s what counts.”

“You truly have grown,” Zenyatta said, still smiling as Genji finished his meal.

“What do you mean?”

“You are thinking of your past with a smile.”

The comment surprised Genji, and he froze for a moment in thought. He hadn’t even considered that. It seemed irrelevant, he supposed, at least when viewed internally. It was only natural to reminisce, and despite his past trauma there were far more good memories than bad. There were years and years of his life where he had enjoyed himself thoroughly and where all of his thoughts toward his brother were admiring and warm. How long, he asked himself silently, had he wanted desperately to be as cool and powerful as Hanzo? Even as he grew older and cared less about the family business, he still dreamed of having the power Hanzo had when he spoke. But he had forgotten all of that, or shoved it away into a back corner of his mind.

“You’re right,” Genji finally said after several long moments of quiet, “I would never have done this before. I didn’t even remember that I _could_ smile about the past. But I’ve got so many good memories here, memories with Hanzo in them too.”

“You are growing. You are always growing. But now you are seeing it yourself,” Zenyatta replied, resting a hand on Genji’s forearm where it rested on the counter. “I am proud of you.”

Genji had perhaps known of Zenyatta’s pride for a while now, but hearing it said aloud brought a fresh wave of new feelings crashing over him. There was a deep warmth in his chest and his cheeks. He had forgotten what it was like to be understood and appreciated, especially since he so often was frustrated with himself for emotions he could not entirely control. His fingers curled tighter around his chopsticks as he tried to rein himself back in. He took several deep breaths before he turned his head to look at his mentor, his friend, his _love_ . How long had he been craving someone’s praise? Had there ever been a time when he did _not_ crave it?

“Thank you, Zenyatta,” he murmured as he settled his hand on Zenyatta’s to ground himself in the moment. “We should go home soon. They probably don’t want us taking up two perfectly good seats when we’ve - I’ve finished eating.”

“A good plan,” Zenyatta said with a nod of his head. “Thank you for showing me this place, and for sharing your memories with me.”

“We should...go out more often. I know a lot of places. We could even go play games at the arcade. I spent so much money there when I was a kid.”

“I would like that very much.”

“I think I would too…”


End file.
